FE290: Handle This - make the most of goals, planning and learning

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

George Bernard Shaw

Timing, footwork, stress management and coordination are all important skills to have for anyone training and/or competing with dogs. What may be even more important, however, is the ability to find success in what might feel like failure.

Failure, however defined, is not an end point. Without being willing – and a plan – to endure failure and disappointment, the chance you will reach your goals is greatly diminished.

Apparently, it was Thomas Edison who first claimed some variation on the idea that he had not failed but had instead discovered 1,000 ways that do not work. Many have made the same point since. It’s something to think about as you traverse the path toward success. Would you rather fail three times and then succeed, or would it be better not to succeed at all because you failed on the first few attempts?

While it may sound counter intuitive, the primary benefit of failing is the lessons it provides about how to come back with a stronger, smarter approach. When things go wrong, LISTEN to what the failure is telling you. Listen most closely to what your dog is telling you. It’s far more than “well, I guess he doesn't know that exercise.” Your dog will tell you what she needs.

Listen to the nuances of the failure. Determine how attempts that are successful differ from those that are not. More often than not, it is possible to identify differences in the environment, differences in your handling or emotional state, or even differences in your dog’s general state of well-being. (Dogs can get “hangry” too!) Even if you can’t pinpoint something, you have still been given lots of useful information about where you are in the training process. Use it wisely. 

Consider your situation from the outside. What if someone you knew were experiencing the same issues you are? How would you identify what was going wrong? What would you tell them? Look at the five W's from the perspective of getting help deciphering the root of the failure.  What happened? Where did it happen? (Is the where important to this instant?) Who was responsible for the challenge? When did it happen? (Had you unpacked your stress and handling toolboxes or had they been left in the car? Perhaps it was late in the event and your team was more tired than you had realized?) How did it happen? Was it anticipated? Predicted? Just one of those things? And, the biggy, in this case, why did it happen and what and how can you change things to overcome the failure?

Be objective about the information you've been provided. It’s very tempting for our defense mechanisms to kick in, and for us to react in a way that saves face rather than addresses the real issue. Blame the dog, blame the environment, blame the ringside child and his loose grip on that ice cream cone. Human nature, indeed. Not helpful though nor is it constructive. (I can still tell you about the person in the bleachers opening a chip bag RIGHT beside the dog walk RIGHT as Brody started up it. He looked at her glowered at me and kept on trucking!)

Far more productive, though, is to take blame out of the equation altogether. Sure, it can be useful to determine why something happened the way it did, but that’s just another piece of information you can use to shape your path forward.

Be cautious, though. The more elusive and complex the problem, the more effective trial and error can be as a means of solving it, but remember that you’re working with another wise and sensitive being who depends on you for direction. Too much trial and error – jumping around from one guru’s method to another – can be extremely confusing for both of you and may do more to damage your long-term relationship than to put things back on the right track.

So think things through. Don’t be reactive when things go wrong. Don’t change your handling system mid-trial because you couldn’t get that front cross in. Stop. Think. Reflect. Think. Plan, Do. Note. Then note check. Consider pulling out of the rest of the day’s classes if you’re so discombobulated that you can’t offer your team the kind of calm confidence and familiar handling you both deserve. 

It’s been shown that poker players who have just lost money are primed to make riskier bets to try to win it back and “erase” their earlier mistake, an approach that rarely works. Avoid overcompensating! 

So don’t overreact, but don’t deny mistakes, either. Learn from them. However, deciding that failure is not only OK but actually beneficial doesn't give you a license to fly blindly and hope for the best. You need to hold fast in your determination to be your dog’s protector, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Together, the two of you are travelers – and it’s OK to take the long way. Be willing to step back from anything that isn't working. You can change your path without changing your goal.

It’s important to balance perseverance and commitment to your goal against the pitfalls of holding on to a flawed plan. Which is better for your dog? Your relationship? Your own sense of accomplishment and enjoyment? Letting go can take great courage. Revisiting goals regularly to be able to adapt them and refine them is one of the biggest reasons I encourage record keeping no matter how brief and unique your system it. Record keeping lets you keep a perspective on the goals (short, medium and long term) and adapt before you feel you are in outright crisis.

Trust your gut. Only you know what is most important to you. Do you care about meeting your goal because it’s your goal, or is it your goal because you care about meeting it?

Give yourself permission to change. When it comes right down to it, only you can decide whether a goal’s importance to you can be maintained throughout the process of trying to reach it. This may be heresy to many in the motivational speaker crowd, but – frankly – there are times when “Never Give Up” is the worst advice anyone could give. Or receive. Again, no self help “this is the only way” from me.

“Never stop re-evaluating,” though, that is advice you can count on. Plan to fail. Plan to re-adjust as needed. Allow yourself the freedom to set and re-set the best path for yourself and your dog. Practice failing in a safe space, and plan your response. Experiment thoughtfully under circumstances in which failure is survivable. Keep track of where you are and where you've been. Think about whether your original destination is still reasonable in light of where you are and what you've achieved.

It’s fair to assume that reaching a carefully modified goal would be more rewarding than ongoing failure to meet one that wasn't appropriately set in the first place.

Be forgiving. Recognize that there are lots of right ways to do things. Your goals and your path are yours alone. Your dog didn't choose them, but is along for the ride. Travel safely and plan your route, but never be afraid to change course if it’s what’s best for the two of you.

Homework:

Revisit any of the goals you have set through the courses. Tweak it to fit your experiences with it to date. If you need to make a complete change that’s fine too. Do it. Share your tweaks and your reasons for your adaptations.